I tried socialising with people in real life and it was f***ing awful
Starting from the end of June I’ve reduced my social media use dramatically, and since then I have learnt a lot about how I can better spend my time, preserve my emotional, creative, and intellectual energy, and started appreciating one-on-one interactions more, especially those that happen in real life.
If I was under any pretence that real-life socialising was de facto better than chatting with people online, however, then I was oh-so-horribly-wrong.
We often speak of toxic echo chambers that happen online, but I’m now fully convinced that they can happen in real-life, too, its milieu of choice primarily being the Dorf – or Kaff, if you want the slightly more condescending but mildly affectionate German word for village. I hate to over-generalise, but the type of mindset I most often encounter here is one that is cynical about societal change, especially when it is demanded by younger generations – and especially if it demands one to practice solidarity beyond territorial and cultural borders.
Why am I made to feel like the weirdo-outsider who believes in science, wants a liveable planet with an equitable society, and a better quality of life for as many people as possible – an equation which automatically includes myself?
I know it’s not healthy to only be surrounded by people that agree with you all the time, nor does that kind of social coddling fit into my idea of a humanistic approach to life. But, if I may be so self-centred, I don’t think I deserve to be constantly exposed to this grumpy, suspicious whinging about everything, because at some point, I need to self-preserve.
“Goblin mode” – Illustration by Kat J. Weiss
I, too, have a maximum capacity for empathy. It is tested every time I dare to speak my mind and risk getting into heated debates, or tolerate contentious statements just to avoid conflict all together, and then subsequently feel guilt for supposedly betraying my principles. But these are my neighbours after all, people I know would have my back if I were ever to be in an emergency.
Such is the double-edged sword of being part of a tight-knit community. I don’t have the possibility of moving for the time-being, and I don’t know how I’ll survive unless I spend more dedicated time in goblin-mode, and steal myself away to the city every weekend.
Ultimately, disagreements are ok, even vital for our democracy; all I want are more arguments expressed with the following etiquette:
Give reasoning that is credible and sincere; stay on topic and stick to facts, and if the facts are unclear or unknown, explain how the topic personally affects you.
Use a tone that is considerate and appropriate; this includes respect for discussion participants but does not necessary exclude righteous anger.
Perhaps that is a big ask, but even if just a few of these criteria are met, it would leave way more room for fruitful discussion – much more than a constant paranoia about everyone and everything being out to get you.
Last but not least, I wish that the older generation would listen more, instead of constantly balking at ideas that come from young people who dare to gaze outside of the bucolic bubble of Dorf-life.
Note: This did not fit into the flow of the text, but I felt it was important to add that, if you are visibly LGBTQ+, POC or ostracised in any way, and are living in an environment which makes life hell for you, then I’m obviously not suggesting you stay where you are. If this is you, I am sending you lots of love, strength, and the fastest way out to a more accepting and loving environment! 🫶