First, an apology and a reassurance: for those of you who signed up to my newsletter expecting written content, only to receive a video in the last instalment — I’m sorry if that was a disappointment! However, please do not worry as I still enjoy writing and there will be plenty of reader-friendly material to come :) I love that I have enthusiastic readers in my audience!
The truth about my Illustration Career... and what I'm doing about it. [CC]
For those of you who aren’t video watchers, here’s a short overview of what I spoke about:
I don’t always feel comfortable sharing my perspective as a freelance illustrator online because I don’t want to be perceived as an all-knowing role model; I’ve been very lucky and privileged in my life and I don’t think my “advice” would be particularly practical across the board
I’ve been struggling with my freelance career the past 1.5 years, even with an illustration agency
I’ve been doing a lot of self development during this time (portfolio, self-promo, daily drawing), but obviously this can only bring me so far
I’m at a threshold of a big change in my life, i.e. I’m currently looking for a new PT job (probably in graphic design) and demoting illustration to a peripheral career
It feels scary and a little like I’ve let people (mostly myself) down, but I’ll never stop being an illustrator
As an addendum to this topic, I’d like to speak about: change — scary, but ultimately a good and necessary thing.
Michelle Yeoh, Academy Award winner for best actress for her role as multiverse-traversing, Asian-American immigrant mum Evelyn in Everything Everywhere All At Once, did not always set out to kick butt on screen.
She wanted to be a dancer, but the rug was pulled out from under her when she suffered a spinal injury. But because she knew how to control and move her body from dance, she transitioned seamlessly to be a martial arts movie star, who is not afraid of dissing her more famous cohort as a “male chauvinistic pig.”
I know this is only one story, but – who actually makes a career out of what they studied? Who continues to do what they started out as? I’d argue that it’s only the very few of us; which is OK and not a sign of failure. And how can I be so sure of the single path I’ve set out before me, when there are more than likely multiple versions of myself? When change is the most certain thing in life? When doing the same thing over and over again to one’s own detriment is just hopelessly fruitless?
The truth is so obvious that I feel almost embarrassed to admit that, while others may have had no choice but to reach this conclusion sooner, I’ve been too naive for far too long. This is my metaphorical spinal injury; if money had not been the crux then surely ennui or burn-out might have been.
And reading through the #comicsbrokeme hashtag on Twitter, at least I can say that I am not the only creative reaching this dead end. Worthy to note: this hashtag started as an act of communal mourning following the passing of cartoonist Ian McGinty, suspected to be the consequence of poor working conditions in Comics & Animation.
1/ The #ComicsBrokeMe posts are worth a read. They’re shitty, but not surprising. Being a full-time cartoonist, even if you’re a professional, is not sustainable for MOST of us.
— Whit Taylor (@WhitTaylorComix) June 11, 2023
To be clear, I’m not talking about giving up on something, just adjusting. Staying loose. Michelle Yeoh did not give up dancing, she merely adjusted it for her new journey: fighting on screen. I see a similar path for myself (as I said, I’ll never stop being an illustrator), though I’m not quite sure what that looks like yet. Who’s to say we can’t do both fighting and dancing, but at different capacities? Who’s to say we can’t dance and fight at the same time, fighting while dancing and dancing while fighting?
A scene from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000, dir. by Ang Lee), starring Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Ziyi – I mean, look at the choreo?? THIS IS QUEEN SHIT.
What’s more, perhaps it’s time for a chapter in my life where my work does not become the defining feature of it. Not only because it may burn me out, but because… just, why?
This is not to slight anyone who’ve made their life purpose chasing their dreams — trust me, I understand — but I want to start prioritising other aspects of my life, like my friends, visiting new places, experiencing new things, new art, etc. Ultimately: working to live, and not living to work.